Role Play Read online

  I shook my head. “I’ve got another late shift, so I’ll probably just come home again like last night.”

  Candice gave me a closer look. “What’s your story, Sierra? Do you have a boyfriend?”

  “No.”

  “Why not? A pretty girl like you. I’d die for hair like yours. You must have guys all over you.”

  I shrugged. “Not really. I’m too busy.”

  “Hmm… now that I think about it, you do have a real distinct ‘get away’ aura about you. Are you gay?”

  “No.” I gave a short unfunny laugh. “There was a guy I was interested in. But it barely got started, and it blew up when my sister left. We got into a fight right in front of him.” I was a little surprised at myself for spilling everything out there, but it felt better to admit it. “He couldn’t get rid of me fast enough. I think he was afraid of being saddled with me, bag and baggage.”

  “You like this guy?” Candice asked.

  I drew in my breath. “Oh, Candice, you should see him. Gorgeous eyes, a beautiful smile, and he made me feel better than anyone ever has before. I keep thinking about how he touched me, and whispered to me.”

  You’re mine…

  “Damn… why’d you let a man like that go?”

  “He let me go.”

  “You can’t give up that easy, Sierra. You have to go out there and take what you want in life. If you want this man, then take him.”

  I started to smile. Candice made it sound so simple. “How do I take him?”

  “By storm, honey! He saw you at your worst, now show him your best. You hit a rough patch, but you’re on top of your game again—living in a stylish loft not far from Bedford Street, the envy of all the hipsters, with fabulous roommates like me. Put on your red dress and show him what he’s missing.”

  “I don’t have a red dress.”

  Candice gave me a look. “Every girl should have a red dress.”

  ...

  It was almost too easy. Before I went to bed, I logged onto the fetish network and went to the Pleasure Salon profile. Sure enough, under their friends, I found an avatar that showed the sunset from Victor’s window. I recognized it instantly. His profile was minimal, saying he lived and worked in New York City. Most of the photos were of exotic places he visited with comments underneath. Lots of women commented on his photos.

  Under events he was going to, he had listed “Leather Pride Night Auction.” The auction was tomorrow night.

  The next day at work, I found a sexy red dress that I must have hung up a dozen times, but never considered buying for myself. Kalisha agreed to let me pay for it on layaway. The other girls said the ruby red set off my skin tone. Bev did my makeup again, and I had never looked better. The girls were a hundred percent behind Candice’s plan for me to show Victor what he was missing.

  I had to admit I was scared when I arrived at the Sanctuary where the auction was being held. But it turned out to be an old church with stained glass windows and stone archways over the doors. It was so bizarre that I was reassured. How could I be afraid walking into an old church?

  Inside there were a lot of dressed up people, some in evening gowns with their partners in black tie. The event was a charity auction, but I hadn’t realized how dressy it would be. Thankfully my red dress was longish but it didn’t hide much with the slit up my thigh. So I felt like I fit in.

  My only worry was how Victor would react when he saw me. Candice’s advice was good but putting it into action could be disastrous, as I had learned from Lola. I didn’t kid myself. I was ready for the cold shoulder from Victor.

  But when it came right down to it, I didn’t want Victor’s last memory of me to be fighting with my sister at Festival. I was determined to leave a completely different impression on him. Even if he rejected me, I would have the satisfaction of knowing I went out with style.

  So I got a glass of wine and slowly mingled with the crowd. Up on stage, the auctioneer was cajoling everyone to buy a corset dress made of deep blue satin modeled by a lovely woman with coal black skin. The bidding was fierce.

  That’s when I saw Josh, the big guy who had come up to us at Festival to make sure the fight was over. He was the last person I wanted to see.

  But Josh gave me a huge grin and called out, “Sierra! Is that you? I called your sister Sierra at Festival, but I’m starting to see the difference.”

  I smiled back. Maybe I would never be able to shake my awful mistakes. “It’s nice to see you again, Josh.”

  “It’s great to see you!” He was so enthusiastic that I briefly worried what his intentions were, until he looked around. “I want to introduce you to my girlfriend. Anna! Come meet Sierra.”

  A voluptuous girl with a sweet smile joined us. “Hi, Sierra.”

  “She’s one of the twins,” Josh told Anna.

  I bit back my retort. Josh wasn’t trying to be mean. He couldn’t help it if I was haunted by my past.

  But Anna saw that I was irked. “They aren’t twins, you silly. You said so yourself.” Then she added, “Don’t worry, Sierra, everyone’s got a story floating around about them. It means you’re part of the family.”

  That made me feel much better. Acceptance was my preferred drug right now. “I’m glad. I hope Victor is happy to see me tonight,” I blurted out, without thinking.

  “You’re not here with him?” Josh asked, looking around. With his height, he could see over the heads of everyone in the room. “He’s over that way, by the bar.”

  I strained to see where he was looking. “I think I can find it.”

  Anna was looking at me, but now concern filled her face. “Be careful with Victor, Sierra.”

  It was like a cold wash of water went through me. All I could think about was our first scene at the Chamber, when Victor had scared the life out of me. “Why?” I asked.

  “I used to play with him once in a while. But he only does casual sex. He doesn’t have girlfriends.” Anna shrugged. “I couldn’t handle it. It’s got to be more for me, and it wasn’t fun being rejected by him. I just want to warn you. He’s broken more than one heart around here.”

  “Oh...” It felt like the air had been let out of me. It was my worst fears confirmed. By a woman who knew better than anyone. I could hardly look at Anna now, knowing she had sex with Victor.

  Josh had his mouth closed tight, but he was nodding slightly, as if he agreed with his girlfriend’s assessment. “Victor’s a great guy. But… yeah.”

  I realized after a few moments that I was standing there with a stunned look on my face as they watched me sympathetically.

  I’m a real hot mess, no doubt about it.

  So I put on my fake salesgirl smile and raised my glass of wine. “So here’s to some casual fun!”

  Josh and Anna laughed along with me, but Anna didn’t believe me. How could she when she knew exactly how thrilling Victor was?

  When we parted, I headed in the opposite direction of the bar where Josh had spotted Victor. I had my pride.

  And I needed to sort out my feelings. I knew better than to give up just because his friends didn’t think Victor had it in him to really care about a girl. I had to find that out from Victor himself.

  Or I would always wonder if these feelings we had shared when we were making love did mean there was something more between us.

  But as I wandered around the charity auction, the words played over in my head, “He only does casual sex.”

  Chapter 19

  Victor

  When I saw Sierra in the Sanctuary, I was blown away. She stood there in a slinky red dress that cut high on her thigh and low in the back. It clung to her body, and I could almost feel how the silky material would slide over her breasts, with her nipples hardening under my hand. My cock stiffened painfully fast, and in the swimming haze of lust, I almost went over and grabbed her.

  Like it was my right.

  But it wasn’t. I hadn’t spoken to Sierra for two weeks, ever since I had dropped her off at her
apartment after we got back from the Festival.

  So I forced myself to stay back, to watch and find out what she was up to, rather than be an idiot and rush in.

  Every man in the place looked Sierra over at least once as she roamed around the former sanctuary of the 19th Century church. The Leather Pride Night auction didn’t allow play, but a small trail of men followed in her wake. She still had that untouchable air about her that drew them to her, but there was something else. Something new.

  For one thing, she wasn’t hiding behind a disguise this time. It was the first time Sierra was out in the scene as herself, and there was an added confidence that I liked.

  And instead of the pleasant expression she tended to wear, keeping people at a polite distance, there was intensity in her eyes and determination in the set of her jaw. She was a woman on a mission, and she didn’t mind letting everyone know it.

  I wanted to go up and talk to her more than anything. Over the past two weeks, I kept thinking she would text me to ask for help, since she obviously needed it. But I didn’t have any money to give her. The weekend in Maryland had blown my spare cash, and I was strapped until my next paycheck.

  I had dreaded getting that text from her, pleading with me for help. I was angry at her for being like all of the others even though it felt different when we were together.

  And I felt bad for her because it wasn’t her fault that life was hard and women sometimes needed help from their boyfriends to get by.

  But I wasn’t her boyfriend. I was the guy who was lying to her about who I was.

  And having mind-blowing sex with her…

  Sierra had ruined everything for me. I surveyed the fetish scene bustling on one of the biggest nights of the year, where tens of thousands of dollars would be raised for charity. I counted eight women here tonight who I had played with, and all of them thought I was rich and successful. Including my date for the night, Karla, a pale blond woman who was nearing thirty and on a constant quest for a husband.

  Instead of feeling exhilarated, it made me want to run. That is, before I saw that Sierra was here.

  Karla approached me, laughing at something a friend had said, as she rapidly downed another cocktail. Alcohol was served because no playing was allowed at the auction.

  “There you are!” Karla sang out, long before she rejoined me.

  She had texted me yesterday that she had an extra ticket after breaking up with her boyfriend. Like with Tricia, I had been Karla’s booty call between boyfriends for over a year now, and she fully expected to go back to my place tonight.

  But she left me cold; her staccato laugh, her exaggerated flirting and the way she made it clear she was available to me again. She was hoping for more than friends with benefits, like they always ended up hoping for more.

  “I keep losing you,” Karla complained. “Where do you keep going?”

  I had my eye on Sierra at that very moment. So far she hadn’t seen me. But faced with the sudden choice, it was easy.

  “I see woman I need to talk to,” I told Karla. “She may tell me to get lost. You may tell me to get lost, now that I’ve told you this. But I have to apologize to her.”

  Karla considered me. “Which woman?”

  I indicated Sierra. “In the red dress.”

  “What do you need to apologize for?” Karla slurred her words slightly.

  I did not want to be having this conversation, but I needed to talk to Sierra without Karla drunkenly shoving her way in and asserting her “rights.” “I took her to Festival and haven’t called her since.”

  Karla was astonished. “Why not? She’s really pretty. And young. Too young for you to be playing mind games with.”

  “I think she likes mind games. At least I hope so. Maybe she’ll talk to me again.”

  Karla was shaking her head at me. “I should get mad at you. But I’m really not surprised. You’re bored with me, aren’t you?”

  I smiled sadly. “You want a boyfriend, Karla, and I’m not that guy for you.”

  “I keep hoping you’ll realize what a great thing we have together…”

  I knew she was thinking about my loft in the city and my supposed house in Connecticut, and a life of leisure as my wife. I could hardly feel bad when I wasn’t really the man who was breaking up with her.

  “I’m sorry it didn’t work out.” I only had to do was stand there and look sad, and eventually it would be over.

  “Well, whatever! I’m going to hang out with my friends.” Karla waved across the room at them.

  I tucked twenty dollars in her palm. “Here’s cab fare so you can get home okay.”

  It was a typical move for my role, and I had done it without thinking. Because that’s the only thing my relationship with Karla had been.

  She actually smiled, liking it. Which made me feel a little sick inside.

  It was even worse when I turned to face Sierra. She was far enough away so that she couldn’t hear anything, but she must have seen me talking to Karla.

  I walked directly over to her, feeling as if the sticky mess of my life was falling away as I neared Sierra. I had never had a better time with anyone than our first night at the Festival. Not even with Adrianne. And I had never felt so close to a woman than when we made love in the barn and I told her “You’re mine…”

  And in this moment, I felt it again. You’re mine…

  I reached out to touch her waist, to lean in to kiss her gently. It was only after I pulled back that I realized she could have withdrawn or turned away to stop me. She smelled delicious, and I drew in a deep breath, my face lingering near her hair.

  “How are you?” I asked, all of my pent-up concern spilling out in those brief words.

  Her smile was easy. “I’m doing great.”

  I took her hand, unwilling to lose contact with her now that she was near me again. She flooded my senses—I couldn’t think for wanting to pull her close and kiss her again, this time for real. But some distant sane part of my mind was screaming at me to slow down.

  “Is your sister here?” I asked.

  “God, I hope not. I don’t think this is her kind of thing.”

  I looked around, realizing that was true. This was a high-end event in the kink community, with not a drum circle to be seen.

  “You’re here alone?” I asked.

  She held her hands out slightly, as if that was self-evident. “I had such a good time at the Festival, before the bad stuff happened, that I wanted to see more. I ran into Josh over there. He introduced me to his girlfriend. She said she dated you a couple of years ago.”

  “Yes.” There was nothing positive to say about my “relationship” with Anna, so I quickly added, “What’s happening with your apartment search?”

  “I got a new place. It’s in Greenpoint.”

  “Already? When do you move in?”

  “Last weekend,” she said with a laugh.

  “That was quick. You could have waited out the month. Saved the rent.”

  She shrugged lightly. “I found the place I wanted. And now I’m settled in. I really like my roommates. We have a rooftop view of the city that’s to die for.”

  “Greenpoint, huh?” Now I felt like an even bigger asshole for not texting her. It turned out she didn’t need me after all. She had been busy taking care of herself.

  Sierra talked about her new neighborhood and the Polish bakeries and the novelty of taking a bus ride as part of her commute and being able to see where she was going rather than being underground in a subway.

  It wasn’t what I had been imagining. Sierra wasn’t begging for my help. So the last day at Festival, she wasn’t trying to shame me into helping her. She had been taking care of things and figuring out where she would live.

  It made everything feel so real, that frankly, it was all I could do to listen. I was looking at her mouth as she talked, adoring the slight dent in her full bottom lip. And her lovely face, the way the curve of her cheek caught the light. And her dark eyes that
dragged me in whenever I dared to look into them. It made me want to reach out and caress her bare arms and draw her close to me.

  Then I realized she had stopped talking, but I was standing there caught by her eyes. After a moment, I smiled. “I’m sorry. It’s just that you’re such a beautiful person, so strong and… luminescent. I’m getting distracted.”

  I ran a finger down her bare arm that felt like silk, and then lifted her hand in mine. I didn’t want to let go. She was fragrant and warm, and it was all I could do to keep from taking her in my arms.

  “Why didn’t you text me?” Sierra asked quietly.

  This was the moment—when I should come clean and admit I wasn’t rich or successful. That I was a liar.

  But if I confessed now, she wouldn’t let me keep touching her. And at this moment, touching her was the only thing that mattered.

  “I saw how bad it was with your sister,” I said. “I didn’t want to encourage you to keep following her around. I felt responsible for suggesting you go down there. I knew if you asked me, I’d do whatever you wanted.”

  “I agree. I’m not following Lola anymore.”

  I shook my head. “I really hoped you could work it out. I never was able to make things right with my sister. So maybe I pushed you too much.”

  Her eyes met mine, disarmed by my confession. “We spoke last weekend when she moved her stuff out. Lola’s doing what she wants. And I’ve moved on.”

  “Good,” I said, stroking her arms. “So you forgive me? I’m sorry I wasn’t around to help you move.”

  “I got a man. With a van.”

  I laughed. “So you didn’t need me.”

  “Not for moving,” she agreed.

  My smile deepened. “Maybe I’m good for something else…”

  I leaned in and kissed her. She raised her face, as eager as I was. The agony of holding back finally eased inside of me. My arms encircled her as I pressed against her body. She molded to me, melting soft in my hands.