Role Play Page 20

  I wasn’t sure if I was relieved or not. I didn’t exactly want to see Victor out cruising for women while he had put me on hold.

  After the acts were done, the crowd slowly dispersed around us. Devi had two guys glued to her side competing for her attention, so I was happy to wait as the place emptied out.

  Then I saw Josh, the big bear of a guy who had been so nice to me at the Sanctuary, and whose girlfriend Anna had told me Victor only did casual sex.

  “Hi, Sierra!” Josh exclaimed with his usual enthusiasm.

  “Hi, Josh.” I introduced him to Devi, who dismissed him with one look and went right back to her guys. “Where’s Anna?” I asked.

  “She couldn’t get off work in time. I’m meeting her for dinner later.” He glanced around. “Is Victor here?”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “Are you still seeing him?”

  I had to shake my head at that. “No, not really.”

  “Yeah, well… he’s a stupid man!”

  I laughed at his compliment, given so lightly that I couldn’t take it seriously. “He did see me at my worst. So did you. That awful fight with my sister…”

  “It’s going down in history. The twin fight at Festival. I keep telling people you never touched each other. But rumors fly, you know.” Josh laughed and made scratching motions with his fingers like he was a cat.

  Another guy came up to our cocktail table. Josh turned and introduced him, “Sierra, this is Liam.”

  Liam was dark-haired with an easy smile, very good-looking. Devi’s attention perked up on the other side of the table, distracted from the two men she had already captivated.

  “This must be your first time,” Liam said to us, by way of greeting. “I’ve never seen either of you here.”

  “I came last month,” I told him.

  “I’m glad we were interesting enough to bring you back again.”

  Devi leaned on the table, her hand at her chin. “Are you the producer of this event?”

  “No. Just a participant.”

  Somehow Devi managed to grab Liam’s attention as the other two guys watched sullenly. I smiled and turned back to Josh.

  “Speaking of your sister, I saw her last week,” Josh told me. “They were doing a performance at P.S. 121. Martin suspended her from one ankle.”

  “Sounds fun.” I hoped it was fun for Lola.

  “Victor was there, come to think of it. He likes that place. It’s tamer here because of the liquor license. There the performers can really let loose.”

  I thought about how Lola had walked around in her bra here, while she was topless at the Festival and the private party. Apparently topless was her preferred style.

  And Victor’s.

  So I had the right idea, wrong event. If I had gone to P.S. 121 last weekend, I would have run into Victor there. He was out cruising for women, while I was waiting for him at home.

  I had a hard time paying attention to what the others were talking about after that.

  When we said good-bye, Liam openly gave each of us his card, saying, “If you want an introduction to BDSM, then get someone reputable. You can ask Josh, ask anyone, I play safe and follow limits. I won’t do anything to you that I haven’t done on myself.”

  Devi tittered and pushed on his arm. “Whips and chains! I’m not doing that.”

  “It’s not just whips and chains,” Liam said. “But since you mention it, whips and chains can take you places you’ve never gone before…”

  I slipped Liam’s card into my purse while Devi kept flirting with him, insisting that bubble baths were her fetish. Liam was laughing at her.

  But Josh was looking at me, and at my questioning lift of my brows, he agreed, “It’s an incredible rush. Like jumping out of an airplane.”

  I remembered how Victor had frightened me, and for a few moments, I thought it was for real. That he was going to hurt me.

  It was perverse, but I had never felt more alive.

  I knew that there were dark places inside of Victor, and things got ugly when that darkness came out. Maybe he was trying to protect me from himself by pushing me away.

  Maybe I should listen to him.

  Then again, maybe I shouldn’t give up on him. He made me feel better than I ever felt before. It sounded like he had led a lonely life with people always giving up on him.

  We said good-bye to Josh and Liam, then Devi and I headed down Delancy Street to the subway station. Usually I didn’t like taking the subway this late, and I wasn’t looking forward to that frightening two-block walk through the barrio. What if Dick was ready to ambush us? Or anybody?

  But Devi tripped along Delancy Street heading to the subway station like she had no second thoughts about it.

  Naturally when I stopped thinking about it, I finally saw Victor. He was coming out of the subway station at the corner of Essex.

  We saw each other at the same moment. I wasn’t sure who was more startled. He was wearing old cargo pants, a workshirt and heavy boots. He looked gorgeous in a different way; a hard-working man who wouldn’t quit even when the going got tough. For a moment, before he saw me, he looked exhausted.

  I felt sorry for him for a split second, and then I remembered what Josh said about seeing Victor at P.S. 121 last weekend. He didn’t deserve my sympathy.

  He was either going to step up or I was stepping out.

  Chapter 27

  Victor

  “What are you doing here?” I demanded.

  “We were at Pleasure Salon,” Sierra said coolly. She looked at my clothes. “Where are you coming from?”

  I hesitated. This was why I didn’t want to see her until my promotion was settled. I couldn’t lie to her again. “Work.”

  Her brow wrinkled, as she looked me over again. “It’s awfully late to be getting home. On a Friday night.”

  Right then, my brain caught up with what she had said. “You were at Pleasure Salon?” I asked.

  The washed out blond with Sierra laughed. “It was a lot of fun. You should have been there.”

  “You’ve met my roommate, Devi,” Sierra said, watching me carefully.

  I wasn’t happy about the news that they had been at Happy Endings. I never expected Sierra would be going out and about in the scene without me.

  I drew Sierra aside to get out of the stream of people on the sidewalk. The swooping lights of the Williamsburg Bridge were anchored a block away. The lights of the traffic coming and going filled the sharp slope of the bridge and spilled into the wide street in front of us.

  Devi stepped away from us, idly looking into the window of a shoe store. It was hardly private, but it would have to do.

  “Are you looking for Lola?” I asked.

  “No.” Sierra stayed at arm’s distance, not giving me any signals to come closer. “I heard you saw Lola last weekend at P.S. 121.”

  “Did she tell you that?” I asked, surprised that Lola had noticed me in the crowd.

  “Josh told me. He was there tonight.”

  Quickly, I assured her, “I was only there to make sure Lola was okay. I saw a post about Transcendence performing and I knew Dick might see it.”

  “Lola has her own friends to watch out for her,” Sierra said with a frown. “Is that what’s coming between us? Lola?”

  “What? No!”

  “How well do you know my sister?” she demanded.

  I felt like this was spiraling out of control. Devi was watching us with open interest as Sierra didn’t bother to lower her voice.

  “I don’t know her at all!” I protested.

  “Then what is it?” Sierra demanded. “It’s been three weeks. You go watch over my sister, but you can’t hang out with me? What’s going on, Victor?”

  I hadn’t counted on making her this angry. Sierra was so mad that if I blurted out the truth now, she would never forgive me.

  And the thought of Sierra running around loose in the scene made me see red. I couldn’t let any other man touch her! Or do
minate her…

  I almost reached out and dragged her into my arms right there. Maybe that would have been the smart thing to do.

  Instead I said, “If you want to go out, I’ll take you to the Masquerade next weekend.”

  One more week, that was all I needed. My promotion was bound to come through this week. I could spend the whole weekend with her, wooing her back, and then break the news to her that a house in Connecticut was only a dream right now. But I would work hard to make it a reality.

  My invitation caught Sierra off guard. “A masquerade? Like a ball?”

  “It’s a big fetish event, high protocol. You’ll have to play the part of my slave. Call me master. Do everything I say.” I ran a finger down her arm, taking up her hand. So glad to finally be able to touch her. It made everything worthwhile. “Can you do that?”

  Sierra thought about it, her chest rising and falling rapidly. I rubbed her fingers lightly, feeling them go warm in her sudden flush.

  “I don’t know,” she said doubtfully.

  “You went to Pleasure Salon to make something happen,” I told her. “It worked. Do you want to go with me or not?”

  Suddenly, she met my eyes. “Yes,” she said. “I do.”

  A satisfaction so deep swelled inside of me. I didn’t care what it took, I was going to keep her for myself. I wasn’t going to let her be used and discarded by the dogs that ran around the scene. If she was determined to experience submission, then I was going to take care of her and make sure she was treated right.

  ...

  Emboldened by the thought that I was doing this to come clean with her, I sent Sierra a new text every day. First I told her to wear a garter and stockings. Then I asked if she had shoes with an ankle strap. No bra. A long, full skirt. Dangling earrings.

  I told her to wear no perfume or scented lotion. I wanted to smell only her skin. Her luscious body.

  Each day another command, and each day I was more eager to possess her completely.

  Each time, she responded with: Yes.

  Open-ended, a freely-given consent to do as I wanted with her. Like the way she had handed herself over to me in the Chamber, so innocently sure that I could be trusted.

  How wrong she was! But I would make it up to her. And dominating her through my texts was one of the most erotic things I had ever done. Because I wasn’t plotting out my moves and playing a part to woo a woman into surrendering to me. Every word was exactly how I felt. I wanted to own her and show her off so everyone would see that she belonged to me. I wanted to touch her, take her and keep her for myself. Men would lust for her yet know that she had given herself to me.

  But each day, there was no word on my promotion. Each day I arrived full of hope, the first day of the rest of my life. And each day I was disappointed, though it was expected any moment by the other supervisors.

  My stomach was a tight knot on my way to work Friday morning. It had to come in. Everything with Sierra depended on it.

  My supervisor’s shake of his head told me the truth. I was fucked. I hardly heard the guy tell me that it would surely come through on Tuesday, after the Labor Day weekend.

  A weekend too late. I was face-to-face with it. I was going to have to confess my lies to Sierra while I was still a lowly blue-collar grunt, making barely enough to survive. There was going to be no nice shading of the matter—supervisor vs. executive. No, the come down was going to be complete.

  I should have gotten the pain over with weeks ago.

  All day long I worked with my mind far away, trying to imagine Sierra coming to my place as I had arranged, expecting to surrender to my masterly commands, her emotions built to an erotic peak by our text-play.

  And I would have to sit her down in front of my view and confess my lies.

  It was too cruel. Like adding insult to injury to break it to her after making her wait for weeks to hear the news. Especially after I had her keyed into an erotic high, excited for our big evening out together, where she would finally be dominated as she clearly longed to be. I had ruined her first time, at the Chamber, and now I was going to ruin this experience.

  She would never forgive me.

  That certainty settled in my core, darkening my night and the next day. I found myself getting ready to go to the Masquerade, going out to buy Venetian masks for both of us in gold and red. And a short corset in bronzed gold. I wanted to cinch her into it so she would feel like my hands were clenching her around her waist all night. I didn’t ask the price—I would have paid twice what it cost to be able to corset her.

  I gradually realized that I was going to do it. I was going to take the role of her master and make her my slave. None of it was real, anyway, except for the feelings that we both craved. She would know exactly how I felt about her by the end of the night.

  Then I would tell her everything tomorrow morning, and if she couldn’t forgive me after that, then she never would.

  Chapter 28

  Sierra

  I couldn’t refuse to go to the Masquerade after Victor asked me, even if it came out of left field. He was right—I went to Pleasure Salon to make something happen with him. He was so upset, threatened even, that I went to Pleasure Salon without him that he asked me to go to the Masquerade.

  I wanted a real relationship. But it looked like the only way Victor knew how to connect was in the fetish world. And right now, I was prepared to use any key I could find to unlock his mysteries.

  Maybe I should have been annoyed by his texts telling me what to wear. But instead, the transgressiveness of it was thrilling, like I was walking on the edge where I shouldn’t be. Where no good girl should be.

  My anticipation built all week as I discussed the texts with Candice and Devi, who helped me create my costume. Candice lent me the black lace garter belt and white gauze skirt with deep ruffles. Devi lent me the white silk peasant blouse and the shoes with ankle straps. They were only half a size too big. I was so broke I had to put the sheer black stockings with a back seam on my charge account at the store.

  Then I got the text late Saturday afternoon: Car will be waiting downstairs at 9.

  Victor was sending a car for me. Once again, I was reminded of how nice it was to have money. It made it so easy to solve the everyday problems of living in the city, like how to get to a party without spending a fortune on cabs.

  My roommates were impressed when I told them. Candice had been suspicious at first when Victor suddenly popped up again after his long silence, but the car won her over. It was thoughtful and showed class. I told them, See… and they did start to understand the roller-coaster ride I’d been on with him.

  It didn’t take long to drive into Manhattan. I had the spacious interior of the car to myself, with nothing to do but wonder what would happen. I didn’t know what to expect as the town car pulled up in front of Victor’s apartment building, with its large blank windows glinting in the street lights.

  When Victor opened the door to let me in, I had the same feeling—as if his polished exterior was the only thing visible.

  I was supposed to consider Victor my “master” for the night. Could I do it? I told him I could. But everything about him put me on edge. He didn’t kiss me as I entered. He stepped aside as if carefully deflecting me away. He only smiled slightly, keeping me at arm’s length as he examined my costume.

  “Turn around for me,” he said.

  I felt embarrassed as I slowly spun in place. Was I wearing what he asked for? I thought the details were correct, but there was a slight frown between his eyes as I finished my pirouette.

  Victor was wearing black—button-up shirt, pants and boots with a deep sheen. It set off the golden triangle of skin at his throat and his sun-bleached air. I had never asked him what sports he played to get so tanned. I knew it only went to his shirt sleeves, leaving his chest and shoulders a paler tawny. All of his tones were golden, and the black set his rugged beauty off to perfection.

  I wished I could ask him questions—I had
a lot of them! But his scrutiny was silent. And I remembered what he had said about the roles we would play. Perhaps he was already toying with me.

  “You said I have to be a slave tonight?” I asked. “Shouldn’t we negotiate first?”

  Now he smiled. “You’ve learned from the best.”

  “How can I trust that you won’t take advantage of any loopholes I might miss?” I asked.

  He considered that. “You can’t. Finding loopholes can be fun. But if you truly want me to end what’s happening, you can say ‘safeword.’”

  “How do I know you’ll stop?”

  He leaned closer. “If you don’t think I will, then don’t play with me.”

  He meant it. I didn’t even hesitate. “I think you’ll stop if I want you to.”

  “Good.”

  I shivered. It was that word again, the one he used to respond to my texts when he didn’t want to get into a discussion. That word ended the conversation.

  This was his ride, the only way I could go deep with him. To find out what lay beyond his glossy façade and why he was so isolated and alone. I could ask him, Why don’t you have a Facebook page? Why don’t you have a girlfriend? A man like him should have a girlfriend, one that wore Flowerbomb perfume.

  But questions always made him push me away.

  “Will you do as I say?” he asked.

  Ah, such a question! I thought. He was standing so close to me, but not touching me. We had barely moved from the door, as if the tension between us was so thick that we weren’t able to walk in normally and sit down on the couch to have this discussion like two ordinary people. Because it wasn’t ordinary. There was a charged electricity between us, barely held in check by his way of distancing himself from me.

  “Yes, I want to please you,” I said honestly.

  “Good. What are your limits?”

  I drew in my breath, my eyes on his. “I don’t want limits tonight. I want to see where we can go together. Where you can take me.”

  In response, he reached up to touch my cheek with his fingertips, caressing my face to my chin. With a slight pressure he raised my face to him. I thought he was going to kiss me.