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  My hand stilled. “I got it for you.”

  She peeked up at me. “Maybe you can get it cleaned and take it back.”

  I suddenly wanted to laugh. “Spoken like a woman who’s done that before.”

  “Hey, it was a dress for a date. And I didn’t have anything nice enough to wear.” She took one look at my face and we laughed together. “Girls do it all the time. I’m always charging back credit for pretty dresses.”

  “You work in a store?”

  She raised her brows. “At Lowenstein’s on 5th Avenue.”

  “Do you like it?”

  “I’ll like it even better after I get promoted. I’m hoping that happens this fall, after I get my degree. It’s just an associate degree, but it should help.”

  I was on the verge of telling her that I knew what it was like to work hard, having been a ramp rat for a decade. I knew how tough it was to make ends meet. But then Sierra added, “It’s nothing compared to your job. It must be so exciting to be able to fly anywhere you want. And have a job where you get to make decisions about things.”

  The longing in her voice was unfeigned. She thought I was rich and successful. She had struggled hard for years. Of course she wanted someone who could make things easier for her.

  I couldn’t do that for her.

  In a burst of anger, I was ready to tell her that.

  But a familiar voice cried out, “Victor!” from over by the door. Suddenly Tricia was rushing over to us, dragging a guy along with her.

  “Incoming,” I murmured to Sierra. “Let me help you up.”

  Tricia came to a screeching halt in front of me. “Am I interrupting? Are you having a scene?”

  “Aftercare.”

  “Sor-ry!” she sang out. “Should we come back later?”

  Tricia was so used to being wanted that she stomped all over everyone without a thought. I used to think her long black hair and almond eyes were the most exotic thing I had ever seen. But now I just saw… crap.

  I wanted to snap at Tricia for standing there so smug. If she was going to be polite, she never wouldn’t have barged over while I was cuddling with another girl. She knew she was interrupting an intimate moment.

  “Sierra, this is Tricia,” I said flatly.

  “I got you the invite for this party!” Tricia told her. She gushed too much, introducing her boyfriend as Craig. He was a nothing kind of guy, slender and slouched with his long black hair falling in his face. But Tricia clung to him adoringly, like he was a Greek god.

  But her eyes also kept straying to my bare chest. Sierra noticed. My arm tightened around her. Tricia was a master game-player.

  “Are you having fun learning the ropes?” Tricia asked Sierra pointedly.

  “Yes.” To her credit, Sierra wasn’t playing back. Between her ability to freeze people and the head mask, which put a barrier between her and everyone else, Tricia was stymied.

  Suddenly Craig spoke. “You’re Victor. That Victor.”

  Tricia slapped his arm. “I told you, Baby. Victor.”

  Craig jerked his chin in my direction. “Huh.”

  So Craig had finally put it together that I was Tricia’s “friend with benefits.” And he looked like he wasn’t too happy about it.

  Tricia was smiling, pleased to get a rise out of her boyfriend. He was probably feeling outgunned by her and looking for a way out. But that spark of jealousy meant it wasn’t over yet.

  Happily, Tricia let her gaze drift down my body. “Your boot has a smudge on it,” she told me.

  I didn’t even look down, refusing to play whatever game she had going now.

  Without warning, Tricia knelt down at my feet. Sierra stiffened at being so close to her. I held onto Sierra so she couldn’t move away. I didn’t look down at Tricia.

  Deliberately Tricia buffed the top of my boot, as if removing something. I could feel her fingers press my foot through the leather, making a secret connection with me. Craig started to bend down to pull her up but gave up, clearly aware that he couldn’t make Tricia do anything.

  Then she slowly stood as if she knew every eye was on her. “All fixed now. See you later!”

  With that, Tricia took Craig’s arm and dragged him away. He looked back at me a couple times, as if warning me.

  “Uh, what was that?” Sierra asked.

  “She’s trying to make her boyfriend jealous.”

  “I could see that. I meant, what is she to you?”

  How could I admit she was a fuck buddy? “She’s completely disposable.”

  Sierra frowned. “That doesn’t sound good. Are all your women disposable?”

  “All of them, but you.”

  I hadn’t meant to say it, it sounded so corny. But it felt true. Just touching her made me feel good. I had been hard since I saw her in that cat-suit, and when she had nearly fainted, I was ready to do anything to help her. It wasn’t lust, it was something more. Like when I touched her, and she looked at me, she really saw me. Not the part I played.

  “I don’t believe you,” she said, pulling away. “Why would you want a salesgirl like me? You should be dating a woman like Tricia. Did you smell her perfume? That’s Flowerbomb. $180 a bottle. I wouldn’t be able to eat for weeks if I bought perfume like that.”

  “I don’t want her. I like how you smell.”

  I was looking deep into her eyes, and she seemed to be just as mesmerized. I was thinking we should go inside and find someplace private to finish what we started.

  Then a flare of fire lit everything around us.

  It was Transcendence. Martin and his troop had set up on the larger terrace around the corner. Spike was blowing fire to scattered applause.

  “That’s Lola!” Sierra exclaimed.

  Without another thought, she pulled away from me. I followed along behind as she hurried over to that side of the terrace.

  The troop had a big fire pit going, with the flames illuminating three people dancing around it. They were all topless, wearing black clouts, with dabs and slashes of black paint decorating their bodies. Martin was beating a rapid rhythm on a deep, reverberating drum.

  Sierra went right up close to them, unafraid in her mask.

  “What’s that hanging on them?” Sierra asked me.

  “Jingle bells.” I wasn’t sure if I should tell her, but she was here to find out what was going on. “They’re hanging from strings pierced through their skin.”

  “What!?” She stared at me as if I had to be kidding. “Isn’t that dangerous?”

  “They know how to do it safely.”

  It was a good thing other people were starting to dance, drawn in by the drum. They weren’t paying attention to Sierra. Most people in the scene were sensitive to acceptance, and didn’t like it when someone showed too openly that they were squicked.

  Sierra was staring for all she was worth, until Lola circled around. Lola’s head was thrown back and she was in the throes of subspace from the piercings. She had a dozen large jingle bells hanging from her back, arms, thighs and chest. Spike had twice as many and was even more enthralled than Lola. June only had a few and was banging on a much smaller drum to complement Martin’s beat.

  Then Lola turned, and Sierra let out a squeak, quickly muffled by her hands. Lola was so far gone she didn’t hear it.

  “What’s that on her back?” Sierra demanded.

  I had to wait until Lola circled back around. This time I got a good look. Wings were outlined on each one of her shoulder blades.

  “That’s not a tattoo!” Sierra breathed.

  “Yes, it is,” I said. “A brand new one.” Lola’s skin was shiny from Vaseline, used to keep irritants away from the raw skin.

  “It’s huge!” Sierra was seething. She looked like she was going to explode.

  I put my arms around her, stroking her back, alarmed by how rigid Sierra had gone. “There’s nothing you can do about it now.”

  “How much does something like that cost?” she demanded.

  �
��I don’t know. It’s only the outline. Maybe $500.”

  Sierra was vibrating in my arms. “She bounced our electric bill this month! To get wings! Permanently on her back. Like she’s some kind of demented angel!”

  “Okay, girl, let’s take it down a notch.” I began walking her away from the fire. I didn’t trust that wild look in her eye. This was the woman who had insulted me the first second she saw me. She was capable of anything.

  Sierra resisted. “What are you doing?”

  “Getting you away from your sister.”

  She struggled harder. “I have to talk to her.”

  “Now is not the time.”

  I lifted her up and carried her back to the other terrace, where things had been going so well. Until Tricia came and blew up our moment.

  “Put me down!” Sierra exclaimed, as I was putting her down.

  “You don’t want to go back there,” I told her.

  “Why not? Lola can’t keep getting away with everything.”

  I gestured to the growing crowd around Transcendence. “This is their job. You can’t make a scene and ruin it for the whole group. Or for Blaine—he doesn’t want drama at his parties. He let us in with the understanding that we’d behave ourselves.”

  Sierra stopped trying to peel my hands off her. She may not want to admit it, not yet, but she knew I was right.

  “Your sister would hate you, if you busted up their show. Not to mention, she’s deep in a scene right now, and the last thing you should do is mess with her flow.”

  I tried to draw Sierra back in, to hug some of that terrible tension away, but she was too angry. She grudgingly promised she wouldn’t do anything rash, and then spent the next hour perched on the periphery of the crowd around Transcendence, watching her sister dance until she happily collapsed into Martin’s lap.

  It was only when the performance group left the party that Sierra went off her guard. She finally pulled off the head mask, wincing as it tugged on her pony tail.

  “Here,” she said, handing it over to me. The cat-suit was already folded up back in my messenger bag.

  “You can keep it,” I told her.

  She shrugged, insisting I take it by holding it out. “You can lend it to me again if I need it. I definitely won’t be doing this alone again.”

  I realized that my test had been flawed from the start as I tucked the mask in my bag. Of course she didn’t care about presents of fetishwear. Sierra was here to watch over her sister. She was curious about kinky stuff, but that impulse wasn’t driving her down this path. Not yet.

  Right now, Lola was the only thing she was thinking about. Like Sierra’s entire world had been blown apart by a pair of tattooed wings.

  I couldn’t imagine what that kind of love felt like, where everything another person did could affect you that much. My own sister couldn’t care less about me or what I did. I hadn’t spoken to her in years.

  For now, I could tell a losing battle when I saw one. I stood guard while Sierra got dressed and then took her downstairs and put her into a cab. I didn’t even try to kiss her. I was surprised by how much I wanted to. But she was so upset and closed in on herself, that it wasn’t an option.

  And I still didn’t know the answer to my question. I knew she was attracted to me. But was it because she thought I was rich and successful? Or because she saw beneath the Victor-persona to the man I was inside?

  I walked home thinking about that, having given my last $25 to Sierra for the cab. It was something I usually did with women when I was playing. But not with Sierra. It sounded like she was as poor as I was, and I knew a cab fare was not something you threw around lightly. I’d rather eat homemade sandwiches at work and know that she got home safe tonight.

  Chapter 11

  Sierra

  Things changed after the party. I no longer wandered aimlessly around our apartment, missing Lola. The best I could do was make a nest on the couch and curl up there. Doom was inevitable. Everything had changed—Lola’s new wings proved that. Now I had to wait it out to see where this titanic shift left me.

  Then I would figure out how to deal with it.

  Through my misery ran darker veins of anguish. The way Victor had shoved the cab money in my hand and then closed the door would haunt me for the rest of my life. Like he was getting rid of a problem. It must be nice to be able to shove money at a problem and make it go away.

  But I couldn’t blame him. I was such a monumental drag at the party. Look at the way he had to carry me off so I wouldn’t make a fool of us both! He was probably regretting letting Tricia leave with that awful boyfriend of hers.

  So I was surprised when I got a text on Wednesday from Victor. Found out more info re Lola. Want to know?

  It was hardly a love letter, but it made me sit up and take notice for the first time in days. Victor was still helping me! He wasn’t completely turned off by how I acted at the party.

  I wasn’t completely alone.

  Yes! I texted back.

  Lola had been MIA ever since the party, except for a text about the electric bill. She said she had finally paid for it. The end of the month was in ten days, and I was not confident that Lola would have her half of the rent. I had enough to cover it if she didn’t. But it would take most of my savings to do it.

  I wasn’t sure that there was anything Victor could tell me about Martin that would stop the madness, but it was worth a try. And it was worth getting to see Victor again.

  I have to show you online, he texted. Can you come over tomorrow?

  I couldn’t help myself. I danced around the tiny living room with my phone. He’s into me! He must be, or he wouldn’t ask me over to his place.

  It made my insides turn to mush whenever I thought about the way he had stroked me through the cat-suit. He had made me come using just his fingers, while I was covered from head to foot. It sure felt like sex to me. But I didn’t regret doing it one bit. It pleased him, and that was intensely satisfying, almost as much as the orgasm itself. It felt even better to daydream about it now and wallow in those feelings again.

  He had been so sweet to me after I nearly fainted. I couldn’t have imagined how genuinely caring Victor could be. His eyes had been filled with concern. But in unsettling flashes, I also kept seeing his eyes from our first night at the Chamber, when he didn’t care if he hurt me.

  How could the same man look at me so completely differently?

  When Victor texted his address, I checked it on Google and clicked on street view. The building was nice, made of gray brick with new, oversize windows. His apartment number was 606 so he was probably on the sixth floor, near the top. There were two garages beside it and on the other side a tenement building. But there were a couple of mopeds parked out front in the Google image, giving it a swanky look.

  It felt too good to be true. My life was falling apart, but this amazing, hunky guy had suddenly appeared, eager to help me. Eager to touch me and make me feel good.

  All night and the next day at work, I let myself dream big. What would it be like to marry a jet-setting airline executive and have a house in the country and an apartment in the heart of the city? I worked hard, didn’t I deserve it?

  But I couldn’t believe my own daydreams. Even when I nearly convinced myself it could be true… I knew I was just getting my hopes up for nothing.

  My life isn’t a Lifetime movie, I kept telling myself.

  I was still telling myself that as I walked up the sidewalk to Victor’s building. No mopeds were parked outside at the moment, but everything else looked the same.

  It was only mid-afternoon. Victor had asked me when my shift ended and told me to come over right afterward. So I chose a dark blue wrap dress for work today. It could translate into evening, if he asked me to grab an early dinner with him. I hoped I looked classy enough to take anywhere. Bev at the makeup counter had touched me up before I left.

  Two rows of silver buttons were set in a plate by the glass door. I pressed 606 and was b
uzzed inside. The lobby was not very big, but it was elegant. The floor and half way up the wall were tiled in marble, with the ceiling very high overhead.

  The elevator was tiny and smoothly took me up six floors. I couldn’t remember the last time I had been this nervous about a guy. I was used to first dates, but it rarely went beyond the second date when they realized I wasn’t going to fall into bed with them anytime soon. There were too many sure things out there for most men to waste time with me.

  But Victor and I were already far beyond our first date… even though we hadn’t gone on an official date yet.

  I took some deep breaths and tried to calm myself.

  Victor had his door open, waiting for the elevator to arrive. He was wearing dark suit pants with a pale gray button-down shirt. His collar was open like he had pulled off his tie. When I went inside, the dark suit jacket was draped over the back of a chair.

  Oh, my!

  The windows dominated the big open room. Two big windows, at least ten feet across. The view was west towards Soho and Chinatown. The taller buildings rose on either side of us.

  “Oh… wow.” I couldn’t believe it… my dream view! I went right up to the windows, drinking it in. “Look at your view!”

  His smile was a little forced. “I’ve seen it.”

  “I wish I could wake up to that every morning. It must make your whole day better.”

  Victor didn’t say a word. He must be used to women raving over his view. I took a quick tour around, checking out the small galley kitchen with a stainless steel tile backsplash and black marble counter. The bed was tucked in by one of the windows, in the nook formed by the bathroom.

  “Glass brick!” I exclaimed. “I love that look.”

  I went inside the bathroom. The light filtered in, a lovely bluish-green color. The tiles in the shower were also blue, aqua, green and white. It was the prettiest bathroom I had ever seen.

  When I came out, he was staring at me glumly.

  “I’m sorry for showing myself around,” I said. “It’s just that your place is amazing. I can’t get over the view.”

  “You get used to it.”