Role Play Read online

  I wasn’t playing a role or dressing to please anyone other than myself tonight.

  I took the short-cut subway route and braved the two block walk alone between the stations. It would suck getting back home, but what choice did I have? Twenty-five bucks for a cab was too much when I also had to pay to get into the event. Getting out at the first station, I clutched Candice’s pepper spray in my hand as I hurried along, keeping up with the stream of passengers who were also heading into the city on the same awkward route.

  P.S. 121 was as close to the river as you could get on the East Side without getting wet. From the outside, it looked like an old-fashioned school building with the words Boys and Girls chiseled into the stone over the doorways at each end. I went through the open door under Boys.

  The first thing I saw in the anteroom was Lola, painted bright pink. I didn’t realize it was Lola at first. All I saw was the naked pink girl greeting people who were coming in, and then my brain caught up with my eyes.

  Lola scrunched up her face, which was also a uniform pink. “I told you not to come,” she said defiantly.

  “I didn’t say anything,” I protested.

  “I can see the judgment all over you.” Lola stood back and waved her hand in my general direction. “All you do is criticize me.”

  “Lola, everyone is looking at you,” I pointed out. And it was true, everyone coming through the door stared at the naked pink girl. “It’s not just me.”

  “It’s worse with you. They think it’s interesting and fun to see a pink girl. You make me want to hide.”

  I couldn’t believe I was being lectured by my naked little sister. “Back up, Lola. I just came in. You didn’t even give me a chance to say hello to you.” I turned to Martin who was hovering unhappily nearby, wearing a ring-master’s black tail and top hat. “Hi, Martin. How are you?”

  “I’m fine. We’re psyched about our performance tonight.” He rubbed a soothing hand against Lola’s back as she subsided into a sullen silence. “The girls are going to be wild creatures caught in our nets.”

  “Really?” I asked. “That sounds interesting.”

  In a low voice, Lola told Martin, “She’s being sarcastic.”

  “No, I’m not.” Irritated, I turned back to Martin. “I can’t wait to see it.”

  Without another word, I walked into the large auditorium. I was really pissed. Why was Lola being so awful? Sure, I had messed up by spying on her. But it was done out of love, and it didn’t make sense that Lola would cut me out of her life because of it. Besides, Lola had been pushing me away even before I spied on her. That’s why I had been forced into desperate measures in the first place.

  I wandered around and looked at the leather and steel bondage contraptions that were scattered around the outer edge of the room. A couple of people were being tied up or spanked, but it was nothing like the Masquerade where bodies were writhing in every darkened nook. Mostly it was people standing around talking—civilized like. Some were wearing fetish gear, but most were in business or casual clothes including one guy in shorts and sandals.

  A performance was in progress onstage—several women were wearing black bodysuits and prancing around with bits in their mouths. Their harnesses were held by a man in a western hat. I realized they were supposed to be horses, and remembered the listing on the calendar said there would be a Pony Girl Exhibition.

  I was shaking my head in wonder at the vivid imaginations of these kinksters, when I saw Josh and Anna.

  Smiling, I made my way over to the towering man and his diminutive girlfriend. “Hi! You go everywhere, don’t you?” I asked them.

  “Pretty much,” Anna admitted. “Josh has a lot of commitments.”

  I shook my head slightly, not understanding.

  “He volunteers for a lot of groups and events,” Anna clarified.

  “That’s me,” Josh said. “Overextended.”

  They both gave me a hug, which surprised me but made me feel warm inside. They were so friendly that I hung out talking to them for a while, wandering around and watching the pony girls up on stage.

  “I saw that TNG is supposed to be here,” I said.

  Josh looked around. “They met at the diner a couple blocks over. They’ll be here any minute. They do an intro there to explain safety and negotiation, and to answer any questions. Then they come here to have fun.”

  “Oh.” So I had missed the question-and-answer portion of the evening. Things weren’t going as I planned.

  When did it ever?

  “I can introduce you to the couple who run it. TNG would be a good place for you to go,” Anna told me. “I send all the young newbies there.”

  A crack made me jump. I looked at the stage where the guy in the cowboy hat was now cracking a long whip, making what sounded like gun shots. He wasn’t hitting any of the pony girls with it, but they were trotting faster in a circle.

  “Why do they do that?” I asked.

  “It’s a fetish,” Josh explained. “There’s something freeing about taking on an animal role. You can let go and release your primal self.”

  “At least they’re being honest about it,” I said.

  Anna laughed. “There’s no hiding it if you’re doing pony play. Or puppy play.”

  I was about to ask her more when I suddenly saw Vic. He was over near the door as if he had just come in. That meant he had seen pink-Lola in the anteroom.

  A flash of jealousy shot through me. Vic had seen Lola naked again. Why was he sniffing around after my sister? Was he trying to get one of us, and it didn’t matter which one it was?

  Vic was standing there so confident and easy, in his black jeans and T-shirt. Even his simple clothes screamed “quality” and wealth. Maybe it was his model-good looks. Or maybe he spent more money on his cotton shirts because he knew from experience that a woman could spot the difference.

  Was it wrong that I couldn’t take my eyes off him? Wrong that he held such power over me? All I wanted to do was hug him and let him hold me until the nightmare went away. Until I could believe in the man I had thought he was.

  Anna followed my gaze and realized, “There’s Victor.”

  “I know,” I said shortly.

  Another woman went up to Vic and greeted him. He smiled in his charming way, a little reserved in the face of her eagerness. She was practically on her toes, leaning towards him, and standing too close.

  It took me a moment to recognize Monica. Instead of the Catholic school girl outfit, Monica was now wearing jeans and a tank top that barely contained her bust.

  Vic was smiling easily down at Monica, talking to her, oblivious that anyone was watching them.

  Anna gave me a sympathetic glance. “He’s like a meteor, Sierra. He passes through women’s lives. He doesn’t stick around.”

  “He’s been seeing Tricia for almost two years,” I pointed out.

  “That’s because she’s fine with being a booty call in between her real boyfriends.” She gave Josh a glance. “I wanted more from a relationship. And you do, too.”

  “Yes.”

  It strangled me, this terrible knowledge I had. I should warn everyone that Vic was a liar; that he used women to get what he wanted and then discarded them like they were nothing.

  They deserved to know. Anna. Monica. Maybe even Lola was at risk.

  At that thought, I knew I had to do something. I also knew I wanted to hurt Vic, hurt him as badly as he had hurt me.

  “Vic isn’t rich,” I said flatly, still staring across the auditorium at them. “That’s just what he tells girls to get them to sleep with him. He pretends to be the kind of rich sugar daddy every girl fantasizes about.”

  Anna was staring at me. “What?”

  “He’s a liar. I saw through him the first night we met, and it made him so mad…” I trailed off, not sure if I wanted to tell them about our first scene in the Chamber.

  “But…” Anna was trying to understand. “Victor travels around the world. I’ve seen t
he photos.”

  “Everyone has,” Josh agreed. His eyes were narrowed at me, like he didn’t believe me.

  “He’s a baggage handler for the airline, not an executive,” I explained. “He gets free flights.”

  Now they were both looking at me like they didn’t believe me. “Are you for real?” Anna asked, her tone sharper.

  “He fooled me, too. For months. He confessed last weekend, after the Masquerade.”

  Anna glanced at Josh. “I thought you weren’t seeing him anymore. That’s what you told Josh, right?”

  His eyes were narrowed. “That’s right.”

  Surprised that they would turn on me so quickly, I said, “Let’s go ask him, if you don’t believe me.”

  “That’s a very good idea,” Josh said.

  Josh led the way over to Vic. I felt like I was the guilty one, running after them. It wasn’t fair! I was telling the truth.

  As they approached, Vic saw me. His eyes lit up and he took a step towards us, completely ignoring Monica.

  My stomach did a flip at the way he looked at me, and I instantly regretted telling Josh and Anna. I wanted to melt into his arms at his tender look. Even though I knew I should smack some sense into myself instead.

  Then Vic noticed Josh and Anna, and their concerned expressions. He looked from them to me. His expression hardened. He knew I had told them.

  I felt a sudden chill. If Vic denied it, they would believe him. They would think I was a woman scorned trying to hurt him. Which was true, in a way. But I was also telling the truth about him.

  In that moment, I knew exactly how horrible it was going to be. They were going to close ranks against me and I would be shunned. I might as well keep on walking out the door right now. But my feet were stuck to the floor in misery. All I could do was stare at Vic as a traitorous part of myself still wished that I could reach out for him.

  “Hi, Anna. Josh,” he said, hardly glancing at them. “How are you, Sierra?”

  My traitor of a stomach did that flip again.

  “Sierra has been telling us something odd,” Josh said diplomatically.

  “They don’t believe me,” I said, still caught in his eyes. “I wanted to warn them. Warn Monica.”

  “Me?” Monica asked, her hand to her chest.

  Vic looked around at us, boring in on him from all sides. “It’s true. Whatever Sierra told you, is true.”

  Anna was shaking her head. “She said you lied about being rich. That you’re really a baggage handler.”

  “I was, up until last week. Now I’m a supervisor.”

  Monica’s eyes opened really wide, and Josh was shocked as well. But Anna was starting to smile. “Seriously?” she insisted. “Everyone thinks you’re some big shot with the airline.”

  I felt a spreading relief throughout my body. If Vic had lied again, I would have crawled off never to come back. I had been poised on the precipice of their disbelief, and he had pulled me back from the brink. Nobody doubted me now.

  Vic looked at me as he said, “I don’t have a mansion in Connecticut. No fancy cars. I stay in hostels when I travel and eat in the local dives. I lied to you.”

  The others were staring at each other now in disbelief, until Anna suddenly laughed. “I don’t think you ever told me you were rich. Someone else did. So technically, you didn’t lie to me.”

  “How funny,” Monica agreed, but she wasn’t laughing like Anna, who was long over Victor and had a good relationship with Josh. Monica’s glance at me said the same thing I was feeling—what kind of jerk did something like this?

  I felt better than I had all week. Finally, someone understood what I was feeling.

  Vic looked at me first, as he said, “I should have been honest when I found out about the rumors going around.”

  Josh smacked him on the arm. “Dude, that takes some kind of Teflon balls to pull off.”

  “It explains so much,” Anna agreed, still giggling like it was the biggest punk in history. “Tricia’s going to die!” Then she grabbed Josh and pulled him aside to whisper in his ear.

  That left me standing awkwardly alone with Monica and Vic. The way he was looking at me made me feel funny. He didn’t seem upset that I had blown up his sweet deal, so it was hardly the revenge I had been looking for.

  Why did I have the weird urge to apologize?

  Instead, I turned and walked away without a word.

  Chapter 35

  Vic

  I watched after Sierra as she disappeared into the crowd. I couldn’t care less that she had told everyone. The only opinion I cared about was Sierra’s.

  Monica was looked at me like I was a snake, like she was strangely fascinated. As if she wasn’t sure whether she should run or come closer to check it out. Her expression wasn’t much different from vanilla women when I seduced them into kink. They wanted to please me because they wanted my imaginary status and power, but they weren’t sure about the whole dominance/submission thing.

  “You’re a real bad boy, aren’t you?” Monica told me, wary yet enticed.

  I shrugged. I couldn’t see Sierra anymore. I wasn’t sure if she had told Josh and Anna about our first scene together, how I had scared her to tears. But it would serve me right if she did. She had the right to say anything about me that she wanted to.

  “Look!” Monica exclaimed, pointing at the stage where the pony girls were filing down the short flight of steps. A cluster of big-wheeled carts stood at the base. “The pony girls are going to pull the carts! Let’s get in one.”

  I smiled but I didn’t mean it. “I’m sorry, Monica. But I’m trying to apologize to Sierra. I need to go find her.”

  “Sierra? She doesn’t want to talk to you now. Can’t you see that?” Monica gestured to Josh and Anna who were still talking to each other. “Everyone can see that. She just blew you up.”

  I felt a pang. “That’s true. But I have to try.”

  “Some girls don’t want a guy unless he can take care of them. Me, I like a man who works with his hands.”

  I gave a short laugh. “I don’t do that anymore.”

  “Or used to,” she amended. Her palm caressed my arm. “You’re so strong, Victor.”

  Again I smiled without meaning it. “I’ve got to go. I’ll see you around, Monica.”

  The crowd was in motion, making way for the pony girls pulling their shiny black carts, stepping high as they pranced around the old gymnasium. A couple of the girls had their arms bound behind them and were harnessed in, so a handler walked next to them to make sure they didn’t stumble or need help. Other girls grabbed the pull bars with their hands and trotted along with their harness held by the seated driver.

  I wandered around in search of Sierra, and at one point saw Monica staring enviously at the carts going past to the catchy Honkytonk Badonkydonk song blaring through the speakers. I also saw Josh and Anna here and there, always talking to others. I was greeted by more people than usual, and I knew it was because of the tale they were spreading. Everyone’s glance was knowing, and their wry smiles said they were in on the gossip. Just like Monica, there was a new wariness in the women’s eyes, not so eager to please, but if anything they were newly interested in me. Maybe because I had been taken down a few notches. I had never realized until Sierra told me that I made her feel inferior with my Victor role. I hoped nobody else had felt that way, but maybe they did.

  It didn’t matter that everyone knew. I had expected it from the beginning, and for years I’d been waiting for people to realize their mistake. To realize I was nothing much.

  But if anything, the revelation was perversely making me more popular. I kept getting stopped by people who wanted to ask what I thought about the art show or the pony girls or if I knew about the new party in a downtown loft. After all, it wasn’t like I had gone around bragging about my rich lifestyle. I had done my best to not lie directly, to evade questions and let people fill in the gaps with their own imaginations. It had set me apart, put a barrier between m
yself and everyone else, but at least I hadn’t lied to their faces.

  Now it seemed like they were willing to meet me on new ground, to see what I was really like. And I liked that. Now that I wasn’t hiding who I was, maybe I could make some real friends.

  It was all because of Sierra. Because she had reached out and grabbed my hand and pulled me back to earth instead of letting me float in a misty unreality.

  The MC came out to thank the pony girls as they finished their last circuit of the gymnasium and trotted through the open double doors to the interior corridor with the fading of the music.

  “And next up, we have Transcendence!” the MC boomed out.

  I excused myself from the group I was talking to and picked up my search for Sierra. Lola came out wearing nothing but pink body paint and a tiny pink triangle over her crotch. I could see every dimple, every curve and every pucker on her nipples. She was swaying like she was excited by the watching eyes—a born exhibitionist lapping it up like a greedy girl.

  She looked so much like Sierra, but was different in every way. I couldn’t imagine Sierra strutting around naked on a stage, or making that come-on face to the men in the audience as she wiggled her hips. It was like a cartoon exaggeration of my sexy Sierra, and it was almost offensive.

  So I ignored the suspension performance, scanning the audience instead. Finally I found Sierra on the far side, partially hidden by a St. Andrews Cross. I was weaving through the crowd to get to her when I saw who she was with.

  Liam. Everything I wanted to be as Victor, Liam was. He was a successful businessman who was partners in a computer software company. Liam was always with the most beautiful, interesting women. I considered him to be a good technical top—bondage, caning, flogging—but Liam lacked the passion that I sought. I would rather get an emotional response while Liam focused on the physical. But the leashed sadist in each of us recognized it in the other.

  Liam was talking to Sierra. They were very relaxed together, like they knew one another, not like they had just met. They were half-turned to each other facing the stage, with their heads confidentially close.