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  I screeched to a halt.

  Liam absently stroked Sierra’s arm through the dark filmy material that drifted and clung to her curves. It was exactly the subtle, hide-and-seek style of hers that I was drawn to.

  As Transcendence performed, I stayed back in the line of sight of Sierra and Liam. She seemed engrossed in their conversation, glancing up at the stage from time to time where Martin suspended Lola. Her arms were together straight overhead, with one knee bent up high and splayed out to one side. Next to him Spike suspended June who was painted white and brown, into the form of a leaping gazelle frozen in the webbing. It wasn’t until Lola pointed her hands down to show the backs—painted with a black triangle to form a beak with two black eyes—that I realized she was supposed to be a flamingo.

  The delighted crowd clapped wildly and surged closer to see once the girls were fully suspended. A line quickly formed at the steps so people could file by on stage and get a close-up view. But Liam and Sierra stayed in their nook, caught up in their conversation.

  My blood was boiling. I wanted to step in and force them apart—make Liam leave her alone. For good. The thought of Liam touching Sierra enraged me.

  She belongs to me.

  Chapter 36

  Sierra

  “I don’t think Victor likes you talking to me,” Liam told me.

  I followed his gaze, and there was Vic, a dark cloud on the horizon. “That’s his problem.”

  I had been doing my best to talk to Liam like a normal person, asking about his job and where he came from. The typical stuff that Vic had lied about.

  “Are you sure? I don’t want to intrude,” Liam said.

  “It’s over between us.” I wanted to stop thinking about Vic, to make a clean break between us. His jealousy now, and my own jealousy over seeing him talking to Monica, didn’t matter anymore.

  But my heart told me there was more. He felt more for me. Or he wouldn’t have confessed when I told everyone about him.

  Liam was still watching Vic. “What happened between you two?”

  I took a deep breath. I hadn’t meant to confide any details. But I was so confused about why Vic still had a hold on me that I needed to talk to someone. Liam knew this world. Maybe he would be able to separate the man from the master. So I gave him the run-down of Vic’s lies and how he had played with me while keeping me at arm’s length.

  “But our scenes were so powerful,” I admitted blushing. “More intense than anything I’ve ever felt, if you know what I mean.”

  “Was it your first time submitting to someone?”

  I nodded.

  “That happens to everyone. It’s a rush when you first do power exchange. Sometimes people mistake that for love. You hear stories about people losing their heads when they first get into the scene. You have to know when to say no.”

  “What if you don’t negotiate a way to say no?” I asked, remembering my first scene with Vic. I wasn’t going to tell Liam about that.

  “You can always say no. That’s the law. No matter what you agree to, you can stop it at any time.”

  Unless you can’t say no because you’re frozen in fear. So it wasn’t part of the kink game to take advantage of someone. That was the con man part.

  “You have to trust the other person will listen to you,” Liam continued. “And trust takes time. You don’t give it away. It has to be earned.”

  I remembered how Liam had respected my boundaries at the Labor Day party last week when I was vulnerable. A lesser man would have tried to take advantage of me, hanging around in hopes that I would drink too much or that he could finagle me into talking to him some more, maybe even getting into my bed. But Liam hadn’t treated me that way. He showed me that he respected me.

  Vic was still lurking on the edges of my periphery vision. I felt as if I couldn’t look away while he was there. “Isn’t there an art show around here?” I asked Liam.

  “In the gallery through there,” he pointed. “Let’s check it out.”

  We had to walk past Vic to leave the performance space. I managed to not look at him, nor did I turn around to see my sister on stage. If Lola wanted to paint herself like a dime-store flamingo and let people stare at her, then that was her choice.

  The art show was in the converted cafeteria, with a much lower ceiling and worn industrial linoleum on the floor. Wooden room dividers had been set up to display the art, interspersed with shelving units that held steampunk artifacts and hand-crafted leather whips.

  At first I kept looking for Vic to pop out from around a display, but he didn’t, and I began to relax. With Vic out of the way, it was easier to talk to Liam about the paintings. Some of them were dark and graphically sexual, while others were more lyrical and sensual. There was a whole series of vibrant space-scapes with beautiful women-animal aliens that made me gasp.

  “I used to read the science fiction books in the school library,” I said. “I read every book they had. The military sci-fi, the cyberpunk, all that. But I liked the ones with aliens the best.”

  “I’m more of a mystery reader,” Liam said with a smile. “Or a good thriller. I don’t get much of a chance unless I’m on a plane or at the beach hanging out.”

  I took one last look at the alien-women and moved on, marveling at the intricate steampunk devices with little gears and vials of powders. Goggles of various types and glasses with moveable lenses were laid on the shelves.

  “People made all of this,” I marveled.

  “It’s good to be creative,” Liam agreed.

  “Like my sister?” I had to ask.

  He laughed. “Whatever floats your boat. She seems to enjoy it. Was she always the center of attention?”

  I had to nod. “Whenever she could be. She’s a drama queen, always making a big thing out of nothing. My mom mostly cut and ran and left me to deal with her.”

  “That sucks.” He watched me carefully. “I heard you got into a fight with her at Festival.”

  “Word does travel.” Would I be forever haunted by that? “It was stupid. We yelled at each other like sisters do. That’s all.”

  “Do you yell at each other a lot?”

  “Only every time we see each other.”

  Liam let out a laugh, and I was glad I had come right out and admitted it. If he stuck around, he would find out the truth for himself.

  If he stuck around… I was enjoying myself. I had actually managed to forget about Vic for a few minutes. It was such a relief!

  Just being normal with Liam, talking like people usually did, reminded me of everything I hadn’t shared with Vic. This man who I had met only a few times knew more about me than Vic did. Despite the fact that I had been Vic’s lover this summer.

  Cheated! Vic had cheated me out of having a relationship with him because he wanted to play some kind of mind game. He wanted to use me instead of love me.

  Here was Liam, a handsome, sweet, smart man who was treating me like I was worth getting to know, like he wanted to be here with me. He was being honest about who he was and what his intentions were.

  I had been so manipulated by Vic that my head was screwed on wrong. That’s why I still kept thinking about his eyes—the way his eyes had pleaded with me to understand why he was so fucked up. Or when he said: You belong to me.

  I put my hands to my head. “I think he really messed me up.”

  “Victor?”

  I nodded. “Maybe it is the kinky stuff. Maybe it’s the lies…”

  “Maybe it’s new romantic energy. There’s always a burst of passion in the beginning, when you don’t know anything about each other. So anything is possible.”

  “Wow, that might be the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard.”

  He laughed, so easy and comfortable. “I’m not the originator of that idea. It’s commonly known in the scene. There are a lot of polyamorous people who have more than one relationship. They know that a new person can turn someone head over heels for a while until everything settles down.”
>
  I stared at him open-mouthed. “Is that what you do? Have lots of girlfriends?”

  Liam reached out and gave my chin a tweak. “I’ve done it. But I also do couple love.”

  “Are you seeing anyone now?” I had to ask.

  Now his eyes were more inviting. “Not seriously. Would you like to go out with me, Sierra?”

  I realized I had led him to this point. Or rather, he had waited for me to be open to the idea before he asked me out. It was super-suave. How was I supposed to say no?

  “I’m sorry, I’m not in any state to date anyone right now,” I blurted out. I wasn’t sure why I was turning down this amazing guy, except how could I go out to dinner with one man while my heart ached for another?

  “You’re still hung up on Vic. Even after what he did to you.” Liam wasn’t asking, he was telling.

  So I admitted, “Like I’m addicted to a drug that I know is bad for me.”

  Liam considered me. “I can help you with that. Detox you.”

  “What an idea! How would you do that?”

  “I can have a scene with you, show you how it feels with someone else. You’ll see that a lot of the rush you’re feeling is the power exchange. That’s why so many people are bisexual in the scene, the power role is more important than gender.”

  “You’ve played with men?” I asked, startled. I would have taken Liam for as straight as they came.

  “I’m heteroflexible. I’m also an educator. I’ve done scenes with different people, teaching them skills or showing them what it feels like.”

  I was already shaking my head. “No way am I going home with you. I don’t care if it’s the cure for cancer. I know how dangerous this stuff can be.”

  “Well, you’re right. But I hope you’re not speaking from personal experience.”

  “I made a bad choice but I lucked out and didn’t have to pay for it,” I admitted.

  Liam looked angry for the first time. It actually gave me a thrill to see that he could be shaken from his placid good-natured poise. Over his concern for me. “Nobody deserves to be taken advantage of. Do you want to talk about it?”

  I shook my head, feeling uncomfortable. I still felt like a fool for trusting a perfect stranger. I was sure Liam would think so, too, no matter how nice he was being right now. And I wanted him to keep on being nice to me. It was soothing to my battered spirit.

  We finished touring the art show, and drifted back toward the door. “Are you sure you want to go back in there?”

  I felt emboldened by my talk with Liam. “I don’t care if he’s there.”

  “Good, the fire show should be over soon.”

  We went into the darkened performance space. Lights were flashing now, accenting the fire show that was happening on the stage. I looked around for Lola, but the place was packed. I didn’t see Vic either.

  Up on stage, bursts of fire shot out of the performers’ mouths. I was glad we were at the back end of the auditorium instead of up front where sparks were falling down.

  Liam called out a greeting to some people he knew, and he told me, “Come meet my friends.”

  I felt another pang at how easy it was with Liam compared to Vic. Liam’s friends were a couple and two women who may or may not have been together. It was hard for me to tell. The older woman lightly teased Liam about his “full dance card.”

  “I’m not topping anyone tonight,” Liam said with his usual smile.

  “Not even you?” the younger woman asked me.

  “Excuse me?” I asked, feeling that question was personal without knowing exactly what it meant.

  The older woman saw my uneasiness. “There’s always a play party after the last performance,” she explained. “Liam usually has them lined up waiting to play with him.”

  “I’m showing Sierra around tonight,” Liam said.

  I felt better as they looked at me with new interest. They chatted easily about the art show and performances. Liam told them that the flamingo in the suspension act was my sister, and they exclaimed over how cool the show had been. The guy-half of the couple showed me his cell phone—he had taken a picture of the two girls suspended in the webbing. Lola really looked flamingo-ish, in a strange way.

  I felt a stab of fear knowing that image would probably end up on the Internet. Transcendence had lots of photos posted on their Instagram already. I would have to get used to my little sister’s over-exposure.

  Liam told us about running into a cousin of his who was in the scene in Philadelphia, where he was born and raised. It turned out most of the others had family members who were kinky but hid it from the rest of their extended family. The older woman laughed about seeing her aunt at an event decades ago, when kink was much more underground than it was now, and they both had been completely gob-smacked by seeing each other.

  I had never applied the word “kinky” to myself. But I must be or I wouldn’t have kissed Victor’s boots.

  Vic’s boots, I corrected myself. The man inside the mythical master…

  “Do you like bondage like your sister?” Liam asked me.

  I realized that I must have blanked out on the conversation. Lost in the memories of Vic, again. It was really becoming a problem.

  His friends were talking to each other and he had turned to me alone. I was struck again by how refreshing it was to hear about his family and where he grew up. No secrets here. These friends had known him for years.

  “I’m sorry, what did you say?” I asked.

  “Do you like bondage like your sister?”

  “I don’t know. I’ve never tried it,” I replied.

  Liam seemed surprised. “You haven’t ever been tied up?”

  “Oh, well, yes. Once. My wrists,” I suddenly remembered. How could I forget? It had all started with a short piece of rope, and I remembered thinking… what harm can he do with rope in only a minute?

  It made me sigh. Everything had changed since then, and then changed again. I still wasn’t used to this new reality.

  The fire show on stage reached a grand finale, and everyone was watching the bursting flames. I was wondering if we should move closer to the exit in case it got out of hand, but the show finally stopped and there was a spate of clapping and some coughing from up closer to the stage.

  “That’s over,” Liam said with satisfaction. “Now people can play.”

  As if on cue, three of the pony girls pranced past us as the cowboy touched them up with his quirt, making them dance faster. He drove them over to a cross that was being dragged away from the wall by a guy wearing a neon green vest. The two men chatted for a moment as the girls circled the cross, tossing their heads and pony tails.

  “Why are her arms like that?” I asked Liam, gesturing to one. Her arms were pulled behind her and encased in black leather.

  “It gives her body a certain posture, lifting her chest and arching her back. Some people think it looks more like a horse. Others like the bondage part of it. That feeling of being constrained and contained.”

  I shook my head. “Lola never liked to be restrained or contained in any way. If that’s the allure of bondage, it doesn’t make any sense why she’s doing it.”

  “I suspect for your sister it’s more about the audience. And suspension bondage is different—there’s an endurance factor. It can be very painful so you have to be able to breathe through the process so the rigger doesn’t have to take you down before the show is over. It gives you a real endorphin rush.”

  “It hurts? It looks so pretty when they’re done.”

  “If you’d gone up on stage, you would have seen the ropes are fairly tight and dig into the skin. She’s probably got a lot of rope marks on her right now.”

  For some reason, I got goose bumps thinking of ropes digging into my own skin so tightly that it left spiral rope marks. I wanted to feel something that wasn’t pain that came from thinking about Vic. Maybe Lola was taking pleasure in conquering the limitations of her own body, of feeling something intense on her
own terms, not anyone else’s.

  That sounded alluring right now.

  Without thinking, I pulled my arms back, watching the pony girl and trying to imagine what it felt like. I couldn’t bring my elbows together like the girl’s were.

  Then Liam reached around me, holding onto my elbows, gently steadying me. “How does that feel?”

  “It’s as far back as I can get.”

  “There’s more play in your shoulders, but you can’t do it yourself. That’s one of the beauties of this pose. You have to be placed into it.” His hands gently pressed inward. “Feel that?”

  As he gently positioned my arms, my chest lifted towards him and my spine seemed to lengthen. “Wow… that’s wild,” I said.

  Liam’s hands sent a shiver through me. Being handled by him gave me a rush, exactly like with Vic. He held me there for a few moments, and I looked up at his eyes. He wasn’t smiling now. He was intently looking at me, in control, deciding when I’d had enough.

  As he slowly released me, I shifted my shoulders and let my arms drop. I felt confused and excited, conflicted by how many emotions his touch stirred inside of me. Maybe Liam was right. Maybe it was the kink and not Vic who had turned me inside-out.

  The way Liam was looking at me made me blush. “Did you like that?” he asked.

  “Yes.”

  “Would you like to try more? I could rig a harness up each of your arms using rope, with a lace that holds them together behind you.”

  I hesitated. “I don’t think I could do that for very long.”

  “I’ll tie each arm separately while you’re standing here like this. Then I’ll lace them together. It will take a few seconds to do up and easy to get out of again.”

  I hesitated on the edge of a big decision. Should I try it again? This man was everything Vic wasn’t—honest, caring, safe. He had real friends who knew him. Friends who were standing right over there. People I liked, who had a lot of experience doing this kind of thing.

  Liam wasn’t going to go psycho on me over some fucked up mommy-issues. He wasn’t going to make me feel like I was less than him.